Creamy and Tomato Soup
A couple of nights ago I dreamed about different parts of myself, including an amorphous artistic side and a concise analytical side. The contents of the dream are lost on me, but the theme of the dream persisted into waking consciousness in the idea of creamy and tomato soup. This was the first thought that came to mind as I laid in bed with crusty eyes ignoring the sun coming through the window in hopes that I might fall back asleep for a few more minutes. The more I laid there, the more I thought about this idea of balancing a creamy, go with the flow style with an acidic tomato, impose my will style and the importance of bringing the two into balance for some semblance of harmony.
A recent trip out West brought this idea to the forefront of my mind as I observed myself getting irritable when I had to go along with other people’s plans versus my own plans. There is always a part of me that wants to impose my will on a situation and exercise a level of autonomy over the days activities. Most of the time I get to experience this autonomy and create the day that I want to have. I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity and blessing to do this. When it is taken away there is a reaction of grumpiness that wells up in me that I cannot ignore. I found myself getting quiet and wanting to leave situations when I had to go a long with the group when I did not necessarily want to. Recognition of this grumpiness was valuable to me and helped me understand a childish tendency to want to control all aspects of my life. This is the acidic tomato side.
After recognizing this urge to control life, the experience before me, and seeing my reaction, I was reminded that there is a creamy side of life where you go with the flow of what is before you, accepting it as if you chose it. Peaches and cream. Coffee with cream. You blend right in there and become one in the same with the experience, lost in the moment, enjoying it in all its glory. There is a perspective shift that has to occur for you to blend. I felt I had to let go of my will and submerge myself into what other people were doing. I had to shift my focus to the other and make the experience about them and not me. In that shift there is a certain freedom. A delight in other’s company no matter where you find yourself. When the moment is no longer about you and what you want to do, you’re free to relax and enjoy the ride of where someone else wants to take you, even if it means going to In-N-Out Burger multiple times against your will.
I’m learning to create this balance more and more in my life and it feels more mature to understand my reactions to life and question if they are valid or not. Bringing out the acidic side is valuable at times and slipping into a creamy background is fun too. There are times when I need to exercise assertiveness, call the shots, make the plan, and get it done and there are others where I can sit back and enjoy the show, watching the characters before me play their part and evolve in real time. I am humbled by this experience. Life is wondrously beautiful.
Thank you,
The Relative Merchant